He was always such a kind and caring boy. 9 yrs ago my husband died and my eldest at 7 became the ‘man of the house’. He had three younger brothers and he just stepped into the role of looking out for his siblings and was very loving and considerate. Even acted the mini dad to the youngest.

Just as background, I made the decision years ago not to enter into any serious relationships. Any liasons were discrete and the kids knew little or nothing about them. I decided to raise the boys first and wanted no one interfering with the status quo. This has resulted in stable well adjusted kids though perhaps a bit lacking in male role models..

Now my 16 yr old has turned into this lazy egocentric, argumentative pain in the butt. I work, and have also had to recently sell the family home because of finacial difficulties. I thought great, Tom has become tall and strong, he will be a great help to me with moving. HA! What a joke. The smallest chore is met with arguments, whining or ‘go slow’ attitude. (Though you should see how fast he can move when he is off on his skateboard!) He is passing at school but puts no effort in. He is there for his social life only. He doesn’t want any responsibilities although he has to challenge every decision I make.

I am so tired. I’ve been stressed about finances and I find it is simply easier to do the chore myself than to go into battle with my son. I tried talking to him but he just goes in his room and shuts the door. He is certainly making the younger three look like angels!

I understand that this is very typical of teenagers (and how I will get through it 3 more times is more than I know). Can anyone offer some practical tips and please tell me how long this period will last. I really am feeling quite dispairing lately and really worn out, I know I need to be reaching out more to Tom in this confusing time but I am at a loss.

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